polar opposites

When you asked if i wan't to work things out, you may refer to the current condition. Not I. Why do you think i took so long to give you an answer. And you went ahead and gave me that disappointed, sad, broken tone of voice. I don't want this to end just yet, me too, but i'm not sure where we're going either. So out of about 70% positive, i said 'yes, i do'. Such words, for me is a promise. Because i am 200% sure that this will happen again and again in the future, one of these things. They bound to be, when different opinions and personalities clash. They don't dissolve perfectly. They crash and hit hard on the surface, and then maybe, God-willing, begin to find spaces to seep into each other. and for us, they're not just differing opinions...they're opposites.

You would say a solid no when i say a solid yes.

I say things that i thought should evoke fun and laughter, but you went ahead and be mad about it and left me so devastated feeling sorry about something i don't even realise i did, or didn't mean to do. You know when you meant well, but people suddenly get all worked up about it you feel so disappointed and angry? I know you know that feeling. I know i did that to you at least once.

I have never felt so low yet so high with someone, just one person, before. This feels downright weird. If i love myself a little more than i do now, i would do well protecting myself from the harm that you can do or bring to me. Whenever this happens, my self-esteem would dive down like crazy. I hate it when i feel bad about myself. I mean, other people can not like me, but it is absolutely unacceptable for me to not like me. and i hate the fact that somebody else instead of myself is affecting my view of myself. I'm a long thinker. I think long and hard. I think short and far. I think about me, you and all. I think a lot. I thought, should i? am I the right one? or are you? Can this work? like, really2 work...is there such thing as being TOO different?

I don't ever wanna start something that i don't want to end properly.

Today is today. What is to become of tomorrow? or the next day? or next year? 5 years to come? 10 and so on? Perhaps, by that time i should have gotten to know you well enough to know which button to press and which to avoid, keeping my hands to myself. To protect me from the danger of the 'unknown'. Yes, unknown. I don't pretend to act innocent because i think it's cute. I act innocent because I honestly don't know. I.Honestly.Don't. Thank God you're not playing the 'blaming game' too. I might be a tad crazier if that were the case. As for me, if i were to blame anyone, i could not blame anybody. Maybe just myself for not being able to be sensitive and see with emotional sight. ;( see? lowering my value.

I'm not her, she's not me. Don't expect me to be somebody i'm not.

You and i come from a different background, different family style, different circle of friends, social activity and education. I was brought up in this rigid system, like everybody else i know. School, sbp/mrsm, strive for the best spm result, strive for scholarship, any scholarship regardless of the course, most of us were still not sure about our future. Then SPC, then kmb/kms, then fly, then go back, get a job, get married etc very mundane. Very rigid. Very dependable on the system. So don't blame me for being one of 'those' people. I was moulded this way. I don't have my own wants and needs initially when my 'life' began. I went with the flow instead. So you can see how typically imprinted i am. You're right you know. Being judged, being stereotyped really does hurt. I know it was true, what went at the back of your head is true, but it hurts nevertheless. Those words... Because i reflect a lot, and it always comes back to that. Being me. What made me, me.

You speak of disappointment, of expectations. That next time you wouldn't expect such and such. Well, you know what, you SHOULD NOT have in the first place. Relationships are about accepting the other person for who they are. I daresay we quite barely knew each other, so, how would you dare associate me with any behaviour? Those are your expectations, they should not be my problem. Those are what you expect to get from your partner. Wake up call, real love don't expect. They give and accept whatever's given, and deal with it. Sometimes i wonder if you see someone else instead of me.

But you like differences, and i like challenge.

My words are given. I said, i want to make things work and thus however hard, i will strive towards that. Till it does 'work'. Because i don't leave things like this halfway. I know darn well this is not something that i can walk in and out easily. I walked in, I won't come out and step all over your heart if, if, there isn't a very good reason to. That's how big those words mean to me. That you made me say over a ten-minutes decision. I hope you realise that. They say the best relationship is when both can accept each other's differences. Well i guess, we have a lot in hand to make this one.

kitchen-ing; varying

New households new rules. Sekarang kitorang satu rumah masak sendiri2. At first macam whaaaaaat? but then i figured i've been pretty much living like this the last academic year, so i don't think it a big deal now. I am able to provide for myself, no doubt. hihi

Although now i have to get used to buying stuff on a smaller scale. Like, really small. We used to buy a bag of carrots for the house about every week. Now i only buy one carrot, just that, for God knows how long. haha. Now that im using the foodstuff all by myself, everything seems to take forever to finish. One thing runs fast though, milk.

So i noticed things haven't been consumed much, eventhough i feel like i've been eating a lot. I get bored sooooo easily by the same food over a short period of time. Had it twice, im bored, next! and eventhough i haven't been cooking much, i am not feeling bored just yet. I guess that owes to my varying skills? haha

For breakfast, i am looking forward for my cereal eventhough i've been eating the same type of boring cheap(if it's delicious it's expensive right? yea2..kedekot) cereal for almost 3 weeks now. Reason is it's not just cereal and milk. hee.. there's a whooooole lot of things that u can mix with your cereal breakfast. hehe. Virtually anything edible! Here's some of mine:

1. Cut pieces of fruits; bananas, apples, berries, kiwi, oranges...etc. (this is how i manage to finish my portion of fruits. hihi. Kalau tak mmg sampai busuk la tak makan)

2. Crushed biscuits; OREO! (nyum3), digestives, biskut marie, (biscuits usually give an attractive taste to your milk ;))

3. and let's not forget the sweet stuffs...chocolate! ; flakes, crunchie, smarties, white/dark/milk chocs... yum3.

4. Cakes. huhu ; this is nice to try. Like muffins or brownies. hmmm rase macam makan cicah ngn susu tu.

5. Toppings of any kind; honey, maple syrup, choc syrup, sirap sirap luls

6. Juice squeeze; lemon, orange, lime etc for adventure ;)

and....practically anything that's available in your kitchen at the moment. :D

and then not to mention the various things you can do with egg or bread...... boil em, half boil em, scramble em, fry em, sandwich, makan dengan nasi...and many2 moarr. google it ;)

oh, and awesome thing is, i just found this super easy way to fill my sudden cravings for dessert, sweet stuff, or cakes every now and then with..................teng teng teng; super easy super fast to make MUG CAKE!

oh you can just google to find the recipe it's so freaking easy the second time i did it i didn't even use the exact recipe. Just splashed in this and that, here and there. Btw, flour really is a useful thing to have in your kitchen. You can make jemput2/cekodok, cake, pancake/lempeng, when you suddenly feel like you wanna make karipap, or donuts for minum petang lalala. heeee... yea, it's so much more sedap if there's topping also. You can top the mug cake(oh i didnt use mug btw it's just too bothersome nak kacau all the ingredients in the small thing. i used a bowl.) with ice-cream, honey, choc syrup, melted choc etc be creative!

Having fun in kitchen! ey? eyy?? ;DD

what i like about you ;)

when you're all sweaty after a workout.

when you're shirtless ;)

if you're wearing american soldier tag-shaped pendant. i feel like pulling it, make your face come closer to mine..and kiss you.

When you laugh like you don't give a damn about the whole world, like you're so happy and having so much fun. When your laughter feels bubbly and give warmth to my heart.

When you stare into my eyes with that cool yet penetrating pair of eyes. When you stare at me so intensely, my heart beats so loudly both of us caught it skipped a couple of beats.

When i turn to you and caught you staring at me.

When i look up to you and you just smile at me without a reason. I can't help but to foolishly smile back.

When i'm walking behind you and checking out your body, looking at your shoulder so broad, i feel safe imagining myself inside that frame of a body of yours and i said to myself, my man...

When you talk about the future like you want nothing else but 'us' all over it.

When i caught you getting jealous with other guys who were with me, and you face away, trying to hide your embarassed face. I feel so happy i wanna hug you and never let you go. Ever.

*this list is yet to be added*

wise words from great friend

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.

make believe; Universal Studios Singapore

Trip berdua sahaja dengan kakak sedare saya. This trip was long expected, since before i flew to Dublin, but well, circumstances delayed it. It was hard to plan since she's new in work so couldn't very easily get a double day off. I anticipated to have this trip on weekdays hoping for less people for shorter queues for rides. but oh well, turns out she got the holiday on a weekend, what to do. Friday evening i went to Larkin to enquire about the tickets for the next day, confirm it with akak, akak went to buy ticket from kl to jb that night, pick her up at 3.30 am, catch some more sleep, wake up at 7.30 to try and catch the ticket on 9.30.

We took the bus of 707 Travels Malaysia and Singapore, the booth right beside McDonalds at Larkin. Return trip to Sentosa costs RM15 each, paid in ringgit at the booth. Tickets depend, weekdays $66 and weekends $72 each, paid in Sing dollars in exact amount, also at the booth. There are money changers at Larkin so no worries. Buses on 9, 10, 11 and so on i think. Didnt really catch the later times cause i was just focusing on the early tickets, to get there as soon as possible would be what most people want i daresay. Ticket back i dont remember earlier tickets but i think it starts at 5.30 pm and last one is at 9.30pm.

When we arrived at larkin at 9.15 hoping to catch that 9.30am bus, the counter person said the bus dah jalan. it's actually a 9am bus. ceh. so i guess wat the hell, we'll just buy the 10 am bus. So we took the time to buy breakfast, mineral water, change money and fill in the white card(for singapore immigration). Urmm i dont know where you can get this but u can ask the person at the bus counter tu. You should totally have this to make things easier. You also should totally stock up on the foods, they're not gonna check the bags and the foods there are just dead expensive. for backpackers la.

After that we stopped for a while in front of JB Sentral and we got our rides tickets there on the bus. Stopped once at Malaysian immigration to scan the passport, then got back on bus. Really make sure you remember the people you are on the bus with and follow them. I really don't understand the ways there, there's no telling where to go to get back into our bus so be on alert. Then we stopped again at Singapore immigration to get our passports stamped. This here took a really long time. By the time the bus starts to move again it's 11.15. We arrived at Sentosa at about 12.

We went up the big escalator you'll definitely see when got out from the bus, turn around, and see the big universal thing that everybody takes picture at. the one with the smokey-ish effect coming out from it. Spent some time to take pictures, and went in.

hee..took quite some time to camwhore here. Don't wait for later. You'll never really sure if u can make it, the time la.

First of all we walked through a part of Hollywood part. took some pictures quickly coz theres only stores there, found marylin monroe, so we stop to take picture. She was looking..well..pretty dull for the character that she was supposed to play. Look at the obviously fake smile. fuuu..

The big Hollywood sign. My back to the entrance.

At the end of the road was a junction. We chose to go to the left first into Madagascar part. Welcome to Madagascar!

rawr! ;)

Hee.. So i think madagascar is more aimed for kids...or maybe i think we missed the attraction for the adults coz this is what we did there. hihi

On Melman's back. hee. Akak was sitting on Alex next to me.

Well the merry -go-round was okay. it's unique in terms of the characters and the different animals/car-like seats whatever. The music was..err..whatever i guess. One time it played Weezer's-Island in the Sun. haha. During our turn...it was a weird song i never heard of. hmm.. oklah. meriah la merry go round die. hihihi. There's one more attraction i dont know what the hell that was but the queue was super long and we thought it's just some kids' ride or something so didn't really do much here in Madagascar.

I was so excited to move on to the next part sebab dari jauh dah nampak the biiiiiiiiiiiig pink castle! soooooooooo prettyyyyy ;DDDD We have arrived ladies and gentleman to Far Far Away!hehehe. the atmosphere and urmm decorations? stalls and everything is very menarik! it's very far far away-ish. hihi. We immediately went to join the queue for 4D Shrek. The hall can cater for 500 people so the line moves on pretty quickly, although we did have to wait about...30minutes plus i think... or more. but i didn.t think it reached an hour. Then we got those glasses, went in, to a wide hall, for sort of like prologue. Then we moved to the other hall with seats, veeeryyy BIG. like i said, it can cater for 500 people. Then of course, all those 4D effects. Can't be telling you all about it. Got to experience it yourself ;) It's fun la :D basah jugak sikit2. i mean spray die memang banyak jugakla.. see the picture.

Far-far away castle <3

Inside the 4D hall wearing the silly glasses. Can see i've been sprinkled on :)

Then we went out and around to take pictures at the ogre's house. very3 realistic! sbijik mcm dalam movie. haha. sooooo fun to take picture around with. the environment around the house eventhough just a small area of made-up swamp, but the feeling is there. hmm.... :))

Ogre outhouse=toilet ogre. tee heee ;D

We sort of just went and about without really looking at the map or whatever attraction's there. We just wanna enjoy ourselves first and foremost. Don't wanna worry about all those boring stuff like locating places and hassling about the guide/map. i mean, we're in Universal Studios! Let's just live the fairy-tale! or maybe live inside the world.

So suddenly we're in Waterworld. don't really know what this was but oh well we just followed the crowd and everyone was lining up somewhere. a specific somewhere. so we joined the crowd not knowing what actually we're lining up for. huhu. Apparently, we're waiting for the water show. hmm.. waited about 30 minutes here? Not too long. and about another 10-15 minutes waiting for the show to start.

See, we're just following the crowd. hehe

Soooo many people >.<

While waiting, the actors splashed water at the crowd filling in the time, getting our attentions, and keeping us entertained. They did okay with that :) Oh, the front 3 seats is 'soak zone', the 3 or 4 after that is 'wet zone' so you can seat according to your preferences. There's 3 groups of seat, center, right and left. If you really2 wanna get soaked, i'd suggest you seat at the center. You'll definitely get wet. People were taking out umbrellas and plastics and raincoats and stuff like that. Those people, were really prepared, and they came to purposefully get soaked.

Oh yeah, why soak? because in the show there's explosions underwater and jet-skis. The rest, i leave to your imagination and guesses ;)

Wouldn't post too many pictures here. Don't wanna spoil anything. hee. So i guess Waterworld is kinda new the time i went there coz i think that was the only thing there.

We walked on till we reached Jurassic Park. Mostly there's only rides here. there's one ride which was closed at the time that i think might be fun to try because there's description like we can get soaked or something like that. like a water ride. but too bad it was closed then. so yeah. We just took pictures around there. Other rides are either too long to queue for which doesn't compensate the exciting-ness of the ride or it's a kiddy ride.

Uwekkk.. Where's my mummy??!!! XD

The ride at the jurasssic park. 4 people back to back on the hanging seat sliding on the rail. hmm *rawr!! i am the king of the jungle! ;DD*

Thenn we moved along quickly to the next part. We were trying to be swift because the weather's very gloomy. Takut kalau hujan tak dapat naik the roller coaster. and that kinda beats half of the purpose of going there. Like seriously. So we went around to take pictures first before going on the crazy rides. We found this guy below. He's VERY tall. Although not very friendly. I don't know maybe i supposed people like this should be friendly, interact and actually play their roles? and i think this guy should be somewhat like indiana jones or something. Doesn't hurt to act more like an explorer instead of a bored office guy forced to say the same script 'happy exploring guys' a thousand times.

He is sooooo freaking tall :O

Moved on ahead to take more pictures, trying to figure out where else we can pose, camwhore sessioning and stuff. Took a few more several snaps of pictures.

The background of this picture is THE roller-coaster. teehee. Will tell in a bit. After that we went to put our bags inside the locker. Pakai dulu bayar kemudian. Make sure to bring out your money when you put your bags in. Exact change/amount because the machine won't give back change. So boleh rugi kat situ kalau just ade 20dollar sahaja. mase tu masuk beg dalam dekat pukul 4 or 5. then ambik balik dalam dekat pukul 8. Kene bayar 18 or 19 dollar kot.

Then we quickly, dgn bergegas, went into the mummy ride. Indoor roller-coaster. My kakak sdare was soooo eager to make me naik that thing coz that's her favourite when she went last time. oh, die pnah pegi sekali. It was great la. Like roller-coaster yang ade story-flow along tapi tak se-busuk roller-coaster kat sunway lagoon. huhuhu. Sekejap je ride die. Tapi memang best la. The queue was quite long that time we waited for 30-45 minutes jugak.

After that we quickly went to the main event, *drumrolls~* ; Battlestar Galactica! :DD

There are two of which you can choose; Human or Cylon. Human is on the red track and Cylon is blue. Cylon is sorta like a mutated human or something like that. I wanted to try be Human first. hihi. urghh We waited for about 45 minutes here. In Human 'battleship' it's more of a seat and a bar from front pushed down on you, like the usual roller-coaster. I don't feel very safe in them -_- This is more of a typical roller-coaster, ups and downs. urghh i really2 hate the sensation when the coaster goes down. I feel very in the air. Maybe i should have went with the momentum and sit back but i can't help but to sorta braced myself when it goes down so i feel realllly weird D: urgh, lpas turun tu terus rase nak muntah. dahla kene turun tangga. elak tjatuh je lpas pusing2 badan camtu.

Then immediately after that we went to line up for Cylon. This one took longer. More than an hour. pnat gilaaaaaa tunggu. Finally dapat naik juga. Menyampah gila tengok orang yg ade mcm VIP pass tu. huh. Pnat mak tunggu, die selambe je jalan. Cylon is different as in it's a hanging seat. Your feets are dangling down and the bar is what you pulled down from up, holding down your upper body to the seat. Can you imagine? This one feels a lot safer and fun sbb kaki tejuntai. hehe. Oh i forgot to mention, when the ride starts, both Human and Cylon go out together, side by side, giving the impression that the 'battle' is starting. So the ride itself is much like the 'battle' between Human and Cylon which is a very interesting concept. but, once you're on the ride you don't really care about anything else you just scream and enjoy. andd..since Cylon is mutated human, it doesn't just go up and down. It also goes upside-down. hehe. and your feets are like dangling in the air, upwards. heee....words can't describe. I almost puked after the ride.

oh, along the way we found these two. Yang ni makcik suke. They interact and act which is fun and funny. Obviously they're singaporeans. with hot bodies. haha. The person besides me sorta like hold my neck a little before he posed like that. One of my favourite snapshots. :)

Contrasting pose la kakak -_- i'm happily scared, u suka.

We thought the place closes at 7 so we were really rushing about. By the time after we ride Cylon, it's about 6.30pm so we're thinking twice whether to wait on another ride. So to be sure we asked the person yang jaga souvenir stall kat situ. and she said the place closes at 9pm! We asked again twice. haha. and the rides too. Can't tell how relieved and excited we were. We thought we have to get ready to go home already.

Then the next thing we do is repeat the mummy ride. haha. and we were surprised to find there's no line there. Sampai atas adelah dalam 5 orang. We were very surprised. Thought it's closing, taking a break or something. The people who were riding along asked the person yang jaga the ride tu. They said people went to makan. Yeah..i guess that's possible.

After that we wanted to reride Cylon obviously once is just not enough ;P. Tapi sampai2 je die closed sementara, technical problems. Sedih gila D: So sementara nak tunggu die bukak tu kitorang naik dulu the ride near it. The one yang pusing2 mcm tah pape mcm yg duduk dlm cawan tu. hmmmm bosan gila. And then Cylon opens again and we immediately went in. Line mmg tak panjang lagilah kan masetu. Scream our lungs out, turun, and then after that kitorang terus masuk in the line again. Brader yang jage tu sampai tegur kitorang, ''best sgt ke naik ni?'' hahaha. dulik la bang. the third time we went on it's already dark, so we get to ride the roller-coaster in the dark ;) Lain sikit la feeling die. Feels more anonymous and freeeeeeeeeeeee. hee hee ;P Kitorang naik roller-coaster 4KALI okay?? hahahaha. and then kitorang blah sbb dah penat dah nak line up. puas hati la dapat naik 4 kali. hehe

We repeated the mummy ride, and to our surprise, there's no line at all! haha.. bahagie gila. Kitorang siap carik the camera and pose lagi. and sbb tak puas hati dgn gamba kitorang we rode another one time. hihi. My kak sdare and i finally inferred that maybe the people who were on trips and with travelling agents have gone home already. They surely have a scheduled plan and a booked place to eat and stuff like that.

After that, we were soo freaking tired, so we called it a day. For the rides that is ;D. There's still time to go around and take some more pictures and go buy souvenirs. So we went back at far-far away and guess who we met?

We were soooooooooo excited arghh. but when we went to the end of the line, the staff already stood there and said no more. ugh >:( stingy. So we just tried to snap pictures of them from far, between people. sobbs ;( what to do.

Oh yeah the scenery was awesomeee! There's pink lights shining upon the castle. wah, shining upon? haha. okayla spotlight. It doesn't look really pretty in the picture but real life, it's really2 pretty! Nothing can match the awesomeness of real eyesight ;)

muke pun dah berminyak. hihi

Posed for some more pictures at madagascar ;)

The madagascar family ;)

Continued on to the farther parts of Hollywood. The right turn when we took the left earlier. There's like a whole lot of other stuff but right then i was a bit too tired to pay attention so i just walked a bit absent mindedly just for the sake of sight-seeing and last snaps of pictures.

There's different kinds of hats to take picture with ;)

Then we meet woody woodpecker! haha. Happy gila! This really did compensate a little for Shrek earlier. Looove this snap <3 ;)

and Frankenstein ;) He was walking about je every now and then. But when we wanted to take picture with him, he's nowhere to be found. Talk about clever. I mean, we thought he was walking at this street cuz we saw him just then. But then he disappeared. :O impressed. haha

Then we went ahead and bought souvenirs. Went out, got a lantern on the way out which...we don't really know why, and waited for the bus. Got ourselves the ticket, went on the bus, went to Singaporean and then Malaysian immigration. And this is where shit happened. :S

Yeah well remember what i said about the immigration being confusing and all? Suddenly found ourselves going to JB Sentral, which is definitely not the place to go on our bus. Cause see here, we were following the people who were on the bus with us, turns out they were wrong too. So yeah, mmgla salah kan kalau ikut orang yang dah salah. When we finally got to the right place, we found out that the bus went ahead without us. arghhh mase tu emo gila dgn driver bus tu >:( I mean, waddaheck, we paid for a return trip kot! You should've checked for your passengers. Bukannye bas ting-tong. huh.

Then we went to JB sentral and tried to figure out what to do. We finally decided to just take a taxi to Larkin. Tak kesahla bayar bape2 pun. -_- It was...rm7, if i'm not mistaken. By now we were veeery tired so we went to rest a while in the sentral and sat on the kerusi urut for rm2. Sakit2 badan kena campak2 dalam roller-coaster :S haihhhh..then gathered up our strenth, paid the parking, and...breathed a lot of breathes, DROVE home. Kepala and badan makcik dah melayang-layang motion sickness. Tapi nak wat camne kan nak kene balik gak drive jela. Tapi sumpah kepala cenoneng. I can't even really tell where the middle line is. haha. pretty dangerous condition to drive kan. Tapi ntahla redah jeww.

We arrived safely at home at about 1 am. T'was a really awesome adventure! :)