Saturday, August 23, 2014

little stars tiny stars paper stars. stars of any stars. many and little as you may be, shining and sweet you be to me. ;)

4444th tweet to myself: love love and never hate. think of what you can give instead. appreciate what you are, who you are.
Sun will show up, and brighten your face. and you'll look prettier and prettier everyday! yayy :DD

Looking back on stuff and advocating some stuff as well. haha

Haha, just suddenly somehow came across my own posts when I was searching something else on the internet. Like usual, I ended up reading my old posts, which was amazing. Seeing myself grow and evolve as well as reminiscing on those good old times. Man do i wish I've written more posts now...

I've actually had a few ideas on writing my experiences which i would like my future self to see. I can just keep it in the diary but honestly it just doesn't feel the same as posting it. It's like coming across a different person online and then realising, oh, that was you!

I actually have a Psychiatry OSCE examination on Monday. Today is saturday, now is afternoon already and I'm still finding it difficult to start revising. Somehow inappropriately already on holiday mood. lol. So that's how this came about.

I will talk about my experience going through depression I guess but am having difficulty even to write stuffs on my diary what more to write for other people's understanding. What's with the passing of Robin Williams suddenly depression became a huge hit issue. I actually think that this is it, you know, this is finally it. Now is the time that everybody should start acknowledging that this problem exists. It is projected that in 2020 the illness that would have the greatest disease burden (in terms of healthcare cost, inefficiencies, work loss) would be depression, with diabetes following closely behind. It's one of the commonest illness yet people treat it, especially in Malaysia, like it's a spiritual problem. NOT NECESSARILY SO.

That's where most people are trapped, thinking that this is something that they must solve themselves hence they don't seek help. Yes, only you could treat yourself in this case that's true, but you know, sophisticated researches and therapies has been developed by the most brilliant of the professionals to address and help you go through this process of 'helping yourself'. So why aren't you using these great resources. It's a shame.

In Malaysia the healthcare unit as a whole is a bit messed up but still, you should always try first. I'm sure not many people know that you can have access to psychiatrist and counsellor service through the primary health care unit. Primary health care = the clinics, the general practitioners, the people you go see first when you have flu or fever. Although I have to warn you, psychiatry was only pretty recently introduced in medical course worldwide so not all doctors especially seasoned doctors have much knowledge or care regarding mental health and the services it provides. They won't even try to poke you further if you clearly have symptoms of depression or other sorts of mental illness as they would do for physical illnesses. What you can do is, request from them to see a psychiatrist and if they are convinced that you will benefit from it they will refer you to a consultation with a psychiatrist.

Oh and should i clarify too, a psychiatrist is a doctor that specialise in mental health NOT on treating crazy people. If your thoughts are running wild and you are sad beyond capability to carry out your daily activity without any other physical illness, who is to say you are not sick? So ditch the stigma and i so want people to just prioritise on being well. A counsellor however is a psychologist, they deal more on the umm how should i say, the complicated stuff of the minds, the abstract, the one who studies all kinds of theories of mind and development and all sorts of stuff. They are the one who would help and guide you on the complexity of your mind. Admit it, sometimes, we can't figure it all out by ourselves. When we reach that dead end or when it gets too complicated, you need someone to give you the right hint, the clue, the key to untangle the absurdities of everything, at the time yes, everything.

At the moment i think this is enough. I'd usually take hours to write that's because my mind is always shooting in different directions at any one time so I always needed to pull the strands one by one before laying it down in a structured manner that is understandable by others. Writing is good for me to be honest. Helps me think in a fragmented manner. One at a time.