And i thought, my god, this is very crappy and shitty, so messed up it breaks my heart. Such a taint in this wonderful, beautiful ramadhan when everybody was eager to increase their amal. When my home news feed is filled with posts about ramadhan all the time. When people are busy reminding each other to be closer to Allah. I feel very, very, very disappointed...with what? the situation? i dont know.. maybe the attitude of some people.
Coincidentally, thank gracious god, i am in a more serene and calm state towards the end of this blessed month. No, this is definitely not the ramadhan that i am proud of but at least, something happened in my heart. It's tilted a little by Allah towards the better. Very little though but very meaningful for i have forsaken Him for too long. And what sweeter gift than the hidayah that nobody else can give but Him? I decided to improve on my behaviour, my choice of words, my attitude especially on social networking. (okay but honestly with my close friends, i'll maybe have a bit of a challenge)
When i saw the post, i was really angry. I immediately remembered a tweet once by #DamnItsTrue, "if your best friend got into a fight, you're automatically in it too". Naturally, i'd immediately felt a strong impulse to stand up for my friend. Yet by nature and by habit, i hate and avoid conflicts. I did immediately clicked on the comment box, but it took me about 5 minutes to edit the comment i just typed out. In the end, i approved only, "be nice guys" in the hope of sounding neutral. In the hope that i will not be another 'victim'.
However, these guys are...how should i describe it...impossible to talk to. All they want is to be angry and make other people angry. Provoking people with harsh languages and words that are undoubtedly hurtful. I was hurt right away with their words. Oh how it sparked anger faster than you can finish reading them. It was quite challenging but i managed to calm myself down and replied what i felt was sensible and acceptable. I admit though, i was in a pretty bitchy mood when i replied. Sorry dude, not this lady. You cannot provoke me with cheap tricks like that.
Then i thought, this is super uncool and i definitely want this to be done and over with before it gets any worse. First step was of course, to remove one side. Bertepuk sebelah tangan takkan berbunyi. I forbade my friend from replying anything at all. I purposely used that word, FORBID, to emphasize that it must be done. No compromise. For i know, my friend here is very angry and they are very provoking, if i was in her place i'd have a strong urge to fire back. It's a wise, yet very hard decision to bite your tongue and remain quiet while others are stirring anger in you. I know everybody knows that, but somehow, there'll always be that, 'okay one last comment, one last grenade'. NO. Refrain yourself with all your might at the VERY FIRST provocation. We tend to lose all rational thoughts when overwhelmed with emotions. Critical situations like this require exact and clear instructions from a third party.
After that, i hoped to gain truce and began to investigate on the source of the matter, which i became to understand to be a major misunderstanding. Then i offered myself to be the middle person. Even my other school friends said that they hope this matter could be settled in peace, that they don't like this scene. I offered a solution. However it seems that the other party isn't looking for any. In fact, the word 'fun' popped out. I was super furious with the attitude, but i managed to keep my head and accept the decision.
My fury continues on. Like always, twitter is my refuge.
"Ok the decision has been made. No truce or peace can be gained. Let them be. Only death can cure a fool."
"We shall be the better men and keep our cool. Poise, composure, calm and sensible are the winning traits. Mengalah tak bmaksud kalah!"
I very recently encountered this japanese proverb, only death can cure a fool. I said that out of anger. For that is what i think of the likes of them. Fools. I can't see any gains at all from their actions and of course, the so immature attitude and decision. If you could only read what he wrote to me...i feel so ashamed that i offered to help in the first place. So ashamed to have wasted that effort on the likes of them.
I know i shouldn't feel that way. we seek to do good deeds none other than to please Allah. If what we did, didn't work out, let it be. We have tried, and it's always the effort that counts. Allah said,
Oleh itu berikanlah sahaja peringatan (kepada manusia, dan janganlah berdukacita kiranya ada yang menolaknya), kerana sesungguhnya engkau hanyalah seorang pemberi ingatan. Bukanlah engkau seorang yang berkuasa memaksa mereka (menerima apa yang engkau sampaikan itu) [al-Ghasyiyyah 88: 21-22]
I don't know maybe it doesn't fit but who cares. It touched my heart and that means, to me at least, that it's very much relevant. After that i did sunat prayer and recited the Quran. When my anger is lifted, i feel that we should pity them instead. They are doing nothing but being cruel to themselves. And are WE the better creatures? Best thing to do is pray for them, pray that their heart will get better, and so would ours, so that we wouldn't get so angry easily.
I'm so glad i changed to twitter for my thoughts instead of facebook. It saved me a lot from foolish and childish remarks to the public. "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt" (Abraham Lincoln). I very much refrained myself lately on posting a facebook status. Even if i do i would think several times if it's wise, if it brings down my dignity. If i can't decide, i'll decide to not post it. At least on twitter it's a little private and i know those followers well.
There would be less fights, less break-ups and more peace in the world if facebook doesn't exist. I now began to reflect a lot on the necessity of having a facebook account. I used to want to show everything of my pictures, update my status almost all the time...but now... i don't know. I don't feel anything for that anymore. I even think it's okay that i delete my account right here right now, given that i've saved whatever i think is precious of course. But no, that won't do. Not yet. I will still keep my account. No really deep thoughts about it... yet.
Well...in the end, this is all just part of the TEST my dear friends and self. Hopefully we passed with flying colours.