too much for this untrained brain

A lot of things have been through my mind lately. A LOT of things. No, not in terms of thought, but actions. Stuff that i wanna do, i want to accomplish. Too much that perhaps i need a plan for it. But oh, 'when does our plan ever work?', says harry to brilliant hermione, with bitter frustration and absolute urgency. But honestly, if you dont plan it, how on earth can you make it practical and applicable. Sure, you can be spontaneous, go with the flow. With one-off event yes, but not with routines. And that is what's this all about.

I have known and discovered myself long ago to be a self-enriching and enabling-greedy person. To make it into simpler words, i want to be able to do EVERYTHING. To BE everything.

Beautiful. Brilliant. Strong. Independent. Capable. Graceful. Elegant. Talented.

Okay scratch talented, that's not something i can work on. by definition, it is something possessed from birth. well at least that somehow shows i do realize my limit.

I have been, for the past few months, super-conscious of my beauty aspect.

I started having persistent blemishes on my forehead. Have been swimming in sea of hairs amidst my lecture notes. So i started investing a sum of money on beauty products, which are only good for temporary relief, and none to my hair. Been rummaging through youtube to find suggestions for solutions n i found plenty home-made remedies like facial, daily face care, preventing hair fall which all got pretty good reviews and comments. But, surely it needs consistency, taking care of my beauty. Trying to imagine myself in my to-be-room and house for the next academic year, when exactly am i gonna do all this, mix all those stuff, squeeze them lemons and limes?

Another haunting and bothersome THING/ANIMAL/DEVIL that will always forever spread sprouts of evil in my mind, would of course be my personal financial.

I have been financially independent for a year now and i'd like to keep it that way for the rest of my life. Promised myself i would definitely not ask money from my parents so long as i have my scholarship allowance and i got work. Fortunately i'm a woman, so there's only the need to bother about keeping meself provided and happy. And my family of course, my family family, not my going to be family by marriage pregnancy birth etc. Will be living in a more expensive house next year of 360euro a month, which may not be much of a burden, perhaps. perhaps. perhaps.. (still tokleh trime kenyataan sobbsss) oh well. It's definitely possible to have what leisure i had living for 275euro a month of last year(shit that's a 100 euro plus T_T) if i calmly think about it. Life would definitely be a bit brighter than before, living with people who are actually home, living closer to college, to food shops and shops in general, not to mention school gym in which i plan to go. Yeah, maybe it will pay up. Those 'little things'.

and then there's that whole plan of travelling.

To definitely make full use of each and every day of my holidays. Which will be plenty. I don't know where i plan to go yet, but definitely aspire to cover more grounds, farther. Would be going back studying in malaysia soon after and get allowance according to malaysian student amount, hence, will no longer enjoy the luxury which i usually have of many money, and nearer destinations. Alas, nearer destinations with extra frequency puts pressure on my financial health nevertheless.

Thus i plan to work next semester.

My 3rd sem would be more relaxed, as im always understood, so i think i may have extra time to earn money. Being a medic student frustrates me in many way. It cuts me short of the most valuable resource, time. i need to earn extra money for all the above and below, and also for use when i get back to pmc to buy a car, and extra pocket money to make sure i'll maintain my 'luxuries' even with a fall in allowance.

I wonder, though. would any place at all take a temporary worker for only half a semester? Because the semester after that would be very tough, an introduction to a new phase in my medic studies. We'll start going to hospitals, and be very often asked on what we have learnt the past 3 semesters. i'll have to constantly, regularly revise. Sigh. As to that bothering thought, i will push to the back of my mind for the time being. Let me just find a suitable work first and foremost.

I also plan to enrich myself with musical instrument.

I guess not many knows that i pursue electone course for about a year while im in kmb. I could not continue that for the time being on a matter of cost and practicality issue. All sorts of bothersome stuff. A few months back, i think of pursuing it still, though on piano. The instrument much less heavy and it's more common so it would be easier to find teachers. But now, i have decided to hold off that one and postpone it to perhaps, when i get back to pmc. I'll pursue electone again in penang insyaAllah. I'll make sure to see this one through. As to now, i need to see through my plan to learn guitar. Bought a guitar on impulse last sem. Thought i could learn it off by myself somehow. (It's always like that. i'll make it out, SOMEHOW. i should learn to try to atleast plan something. sigh) I still cant get a hang of it. Will try to find someone to teach me in dublin later. Searching for possible teachers now.

I plan to work out and exercise more often.

As of now, it has officially been more than a year that i did not push myself to run, and really run and put my stamina on the test. i am beginning to feel like a wilting vegetable, gasping over a mere climb of a floor's stairs. Heart pounding over a short sprint(if you'd call it a sprint) and feeling tired, weak all the time. Now that my house is closer to rcsi perhaps i can spend more time at the gym during (any season of the year but especially) winter really early in the morning or late at night. Yeah, so that cancels out the plan for me to buy a certain2 equipment for me to be able to do simple workouts in my own room since i might as well just go to the gym. Yeah! the bright side has shown itself a little..

...and God knows whatever else that pops up in this little brain of mine.

For certain parts, i have already tried to make it a routine. Little by little. Hopefully it will stick through. I aspire to be more efficient in my personal finance, thus im already seeking out ways to achieve that. I'm taking baby steps, that's what they call it. Struggling, wobbly, tumble down every now and then but indefinitely would some day not just walk, but run.

I know, it's so stressful to make plans, yet not knowing how to carry it out, how to find that way. But i have this strong belief that if we know what we want to achieve, that we focus and clarify that end that we want, we will always be aware of the paths, the ways when they come across us. When there's a will, there's a way. It's true. It's not just some hopeful words, but it's what really happens. And if you're want-to-achieve list is as much as mine (hopefully not), it's better to break them in parts and see what's feasible to do first and weave the others in along the way, little by little, one by one.

I pray that i'll see all my plans through, till the end. I pray hard.