Sunday, March 20, 2011

having an easy-going personality totally trash you when it comes to assignments

having an easy-going personality is totally cool when dealing with life and its obstacles and stuff and stuff. a whole lot of stuff. but not when it comes to things that have deadlines@datelines.

damn. i am totally disregarding all the due dates, can even watch tonnes of movies, cook plenty and eat a lot more.

i even have to tell myself to be stressed about it. take this seriously. take this serously. take this seriously. its a group thing. i am dragging people down. but even that's not making me feeling guilty enough to stay away from distractions. well atleast i am somehow serious on wanna doing it cause i havent really checked up my fb as often as i did. i wonder what i can do about this...

anyhow, hihi.. last thursday's St Patrick's Day was kinda fun. bolela. the parade was..well meriah. its cool to watch outdoor parade in ireland as compared to malaysia cause the weather's nice and chillin'. although i have to stand on my toes every now n then cause we arrived quite late and couldnt quite get a good spot and this effing couple beside me fidgeting and fooling in that compacted crowd like wattefuck pliss ur wearing this paper thingy on ur body its just..ughhhh.. n theres this man smoking loads behind me i got smoke coming off from both sides of my body from behind. waaaatt...

but anyhow, later we had a great time camwhoring everywhere and then there's this guy, he was walking past us with his friends. there's people who blows whistle u know, just for the sole purpose of making noise. n there was those whistle sound near us at that time. n then this guy leans towards the direction of the noise n shouted, "oh my god, shut up!" hahaha.. it was so funny i didnt even bother to hide my laughter. ouh..that made my day :D
though we had to walk all the way from city back home cause, as usual, parades, roads shut, no buses, it was almost an hour walk, i think.

right, back to work.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

leave me in isolation, like, please.

if i dont wanna talk to you, i dont wanna talk to you. so please lah understand.

if i dont reply your text unless its necessary to reply, if i dont return your chat messages, if i dont return your poke.. i definitely dont wanna 'talk' to you.

"hey are you okay?" yep, fine.
"wanna talk about it?" nope, im fine.
eventhough i look like im not fine, when i say im fine, that means i just DONT wanna talk about it. or at least not to YOU. so please lah.

leave me alone. if i dont respond, eventhough u know im 'there', which is already creepy+annoying enough, dont, DONT try go for alternatives. what makes u think im 'contactable' by other means, if im not by the means that i usually am, with u knowing that im 'there'?

well on contrary to popular belief, not all girls love to tell stories all the time, to pour their heart out. SOME girl actually distinctively chooses who exactly to speak to about each particular matter.

if im not speaking to you, u speak to me, i dont reply...dismissed what u just said like some ignorant and rude bitch, take flight and go away. i am simply being a bitch at that time and nothing you do can undo that. i am simply being me. yes, im an emo bitch at times, thats no surprise to anyone. not at all.

i know im a terrible mess right now, but i choose what help i want to take either. if ur approaching with a kind intention of helping me, but i have no intention to accept it whatsoever..ur effort is futile man. go away and help some poor people on the streets.

so leave me be.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

life's a bed of roses. pfft. naw, its just me.


just trying to dissect the reason as to why i am so effing lazy and procrastinating for almost a month now. please la.. new sem is supposed to be better and more well equipped to cope with, but why the hell is it worse?? and we dont even have half as much lecture as we had during the first month in sem 1. aaaaaaaaaa D:
i feel so shitty, so crappy, so loser-like, feel so lost, am drifting away, where am i now, oh shit, another day passed by, lalala.., yet another, dumdeedum..., and another..........

sooooooo .

needs motivation like URGENTLY asap! >:(
am so angry with myself.

i dunno wats wrong with meeee :( i was so high spirited and semangat last sem and so eager and happy in learning everything, soo happy to be studying medicine. so whyyyyyy?

i deadly seriously think this has to do with the PSQ project that we need to do in a group. in other word, assignment. dang. how will i live the rest of my life like this. proscrastinating over every assignment that pops up in front of me. oh how i long for an eager heart to complete assignments, but i simply accepted that i wasnt born with it. tch. assignment assignment assignment. why do i fear you. what is it that u have that can diminish this poor soul so much to the point that she lose all her self-confidence and esteem and a sense of achievement and a sense of life.... i havent even touched my guitar for 2 weeks now. ;( bile la nak pandai.

i am so lifeless right now. no interest in anything except baking. n dats just so i can procrastinate moore. bake, eat, bake, eat.... graaaahhhhh....

huh, in this post only, i have made so many negative(annoying(pathetic)) sounds.

n yet, even with my hand on the keys pointing out my problem to me, i still dont intend to do much about it. F.

i need... i dunno. D: